Cinema experience

The movie was at its climax. The protagonist had his fists out, ready to deal the killing blow.And like a helicopter which rotor had suddenly stopped in mid air, the screen chopped out in perfect rectangle pieces, fragmented like shreds of broken glass and went blank. Not even a lingering flicker remain,  The side-lights went on. Groan mingles with sarcastic laughter.

Camera lit up the cinema as people started to take photos to record this interesting episode. Handphones sounded. I bet a few were twittering. Some were heard telling friends about the experience. Heck when the worker came and explain the situation, someone even recorded the whole conversation with a camera phone.  Surreal. Welcome to the new technology advanced world. Did I mention the movie we were watching? It was none other than Gamer. 

A very unique experience at the new MBO cineplex in The Spring. And I’m reporting it now live haha.

Anyway the projector was dead and un-revive-able. We were upgraded to a first-class cineplex to finish the last 3 minutes of the movie. The seats there feels like massage chairs. But the seats at the normal cineplex was not bad too.Similar to Australia’s. Can pull the arm-rest up and rest my legs over the next few seats which were vacant.

Interesting experience. Anyway I wrote this whole piece in the free wifi zone.   

This whole thing about being able to blog live got me excited like a little kid. Another that got me excited was this:

K-Box is opening soon! ^^

Online-ing @ starbucks

Now that I have a cute and good-looking laptop, I can bring it out and flaunt it at the numerous uber-cool cafes around town.

Here I am now, at Starbucks The Spring, using the free wifi to online and the imbedded webcam to take photos.

My dark mocha frappucino with SeeHua’s sleek Apple Mac and four Japanese girls as background.

 

This is SeeHua, the German speaking to-be-engineer. He is the reason we are here today. He is currently downloading lots of free stuffs.

Me drinking my coffee. Didn’t take the whole photo coz don’t like my hairstyle for the day. It badly need a trim but I’m just too lazy to do it.

Anyway a little bit of update. Had been busy manning the Dangerous Drug Pharmacy for the past two weeks– with the time spent meticulously counting, packing and distributing drugs that are dangerous if being abused, for example midazolam and diazepam, which coincidently contributed to a dead Michael Jackson.

There were 11 new provisionally registered pharmacists reporting to the hospital in the last few days. At last I am not the ‘youngest’ one there and there will be someone to bully!  Come to think of it, I had worked for nearly five months now.

My next station will be the dreaded Outpatient pharmacy. It is projected to be a very busy time as it is near Hari Raya – everyone wants to be alive and well during the festive season. So I’m likely to have lots of exercise soon.

I guess that’s all for now. Time to focus back on my diabetes research. It had been dragging the ground for far too long.. and I am going to watch a movie at the new Spring Cinema in 2 hours!.

Sunday is baking day

Oh well, supposed to carry on with my diabetes research proposal today, but mum kept on insisting me cook something nice. So the whole morning went to doing these:

Shanghai Wo Tie.

Quite yummy besides the fact my brother made the dough a bit too thick, so the water didn’t penetrate in quite well.. that was not enough juice squirting into my mouth when i ate it.

Baked an Oreo cheese cake for my mum to bring to school and boast. Besides Oreo selling at the unbelievable price of RM2.19 in Ta Kiong, The Spring now. Usual retail price RM3.10. This time I baked it using a water-bath, so the colour looks nicer.

And here’s something I did for my own satisfaction coz dad been complaining no one was eating the apples.

An apple pie with cinnamon and lemon flavour.

 

Tasted just heavenly. Can’t believe it is this tasty. For the first time I liked the crust that I made.

For those who liked a bite, wish you were here. =P

Food food food!

A certain friend remarked that I should put more photos in my blog to make it more appealing. Besides, she argued, a picture equals to a thousand words. Good point. I guess I should write less and put more photos into my blog.

Around 10 days ago a certain owl flew into Kuching to attend his sister’s graduation. Off we go to sample some Kuching delicacies in TopSpot. Despite it being a weekday and the H1N1 threat, the place was teeming with people.

We had bidin fried with belacan as well as bamboo clams with curry paste, which are both local delicacies. 

Then there were this sour-spicy barbecued in leaves sting-ray as well as a humongous oyster pancake. 

Yummy.

I had been increasingly turning to producing food as a therapeutic way to de-stress after a hard day at work. Even so satisfying to eat something you had DIY and also see other people savouring it.

This was my venture in replicating the thin crust pizza of Melbourne which I missed so much.

 

And also some delicious vegetable pau..

The balls of pau dough..

The delicious and healthy vegetable fillings.

Putting the fillings on rolled-up dough and wrapping it up.

Pau before steaming.

The finished product. It is as tasty as it looks. =)

TPN Pharmacy

They were the cutest thing on earth – their small fingers grasping at thin air, their little legs kicking energetically against pampers that looked bigger than their bodies. They lived in transparent egg-shaped incubators and had so many lines wired to them that they looked like some futuristic androids. They were the premmies – or babies being born premature. The smallest of them weigh 750 grams, smaller than a pack of sugar.

For the last two weeks, I had been starting my day by visiting the nursery. It was part of the routine in the TPN pharmacy rotation.

TPN stands for Total Parenteral Nutrition. As the name suggests, it is basically nutrition - a liquid form of glucose, amino acid and fats being delivered directly into the body via a vein. It needs to be sent this way as some babies cannot eat or digest the normal food we eat for some reason or other, for example, a blocked intestine.

And yes, it is a pharmacist’s job to make up these nutrition in a bag for the babies. Believe it or not. And it’s hard work.

After visiting the babies, we usually went back to the office and did some maths homework. This is the time where all those mmols and mLs and all the pharmacy calculations we tediously pore through in Uni came into practice. We need to calculate that the amount of food the doctors prescribed for the babies are correct.  It had to be a balanced diet. Something wrong and you might just send the frail baby to heaven.

After the calculations its often time for an early lunch and then  change into spacesuits.

This is because as the nutrition will go  directly into the body, we cannot afford to have any bacteria at all or else the baby will likely to suffer an infection. Everything had to be sterile. We gowned up and scrubbed in like surgeons wanting to perform delicate operations. Even washing hands took around 5 minutes. The end result looks like this:

It was then off to the clean room when there are no excuses to escape before the work is done – be it a bursting bladder,  dry lips or growling stomach. This is because the space suits are damn expensive and its a big hassle to scrub in again anyway. The longest stretch I had in there was 8 hours. Yesterday I clocked out at the unholy time of 9pm.

In the clean room we inserted all the individual components of the nutrition into a bag. That’s the easy part. The difficult part was to get all the bubbles  out of the bags. It was akin to herding hundreds of naughty lambs back into the barn at sunset. Doing a bag usually takes around 30 minutes. By the time I did the last bag of the day, my arms were so tired that I don’t even have the energy to break off an ampoule.

The next day, its back to the ward again, looking at the TPN bag with your handwriting on it being put up on a stand next to a baby and seeing the yellowish solution dripping slowly into their tiny body, giving them strength to fight for another day.

And sometimes, if you are lucky, they opened their eyes and smiled at you. I swear one did that other day.

And this little gesture is enough to make all the hard work worthwhile. 

As we grow older..

“Remember students, please read about page 34 and 35 before coming to class tomorrow, okay?” the teacher sweetly coaxed her students in the saccharine voice of hers.

30 cute doting students nodded their head eagerly before exiting the class. They all pore through the pages at home except one who forgot. He came to school crying because he felt left out.

“I expect you to have a clear understanding of what we are going to do before venturing into the lab tomorrow. Chapter 6 has a good account of the topic. Please read.”

“Yes sir!” Twenty voices chorused in unison. Snorting grumble were heard in the other ten. They eventually managed the next day by paraphrasing the work of their friends and vowed not to do it again.

“It is impossible to pass this unit by just coming to these lectures. These two books - ” the professor paused for effect, his hands gesticulating towards the direction of two thick leather-bound tome  - “will be essential to guide you through the whole semester. Study hard guys.”

Only ten pore into the books diligently in the first week. The other twenty laze under the sun in the afternoons. “Relax, there’s still time,” they drawled, before cramping it all in in the last minute, with the help of caffeine and ginseng.  They survived, barely.

“The group of you, you will be sent to the marketing department next week for a two weeks attachment. Hope you can learn as much as you can over there,” the manager said to the bunch of immaculately dressed new recruits.

Twenty nine of them went to party the night before the attachment. And they bitched and bitched and bitched about the single alien who opted to stay home to study and prepare for the stint.

“Abnormal crazy lonely no-life guy that one,” one said. All other nodded in agreement, glad that they are normal and know how to have fun. “He is such a boot licker,” said one. "I’m sure he did that just to make us look bad. Damn him,” quipped another. Everyone avoided being seen with him. Nobody wants to be seen to be friends with an outcast. From that day onwards, the alien did his best to fit in.

“Okay guys, we must win this award. Do whatever it takes – overtime, take work home – to bring glory to our company. Your sacrifice will be worth it!” the boss tried to fire his staff up. All the thirty employees in the meeting nodded and clapped.

“Five o’clock!” someone said just as they settled back in the office. They all looked up to the clock, hastily packed their briefcases and in two minutes, the office was empty. No one stayed or brought work home.

A little of this and that

I did my first ever Continuous Professional Development (CPD) presentation in hospital with my group mates last Wednesday, presenting on the topic Hormone Replacement Therapy. We chose the topic because it was an area that we are a bit hazy about ourselves!

My group mates and me before presentation.

Presentation wise, it went without a hitch (except the fact that the projector colour was faulty). I don’t feel nervous at all, just a bit irritated how I always realised my grammatical mistakes only  after the words had already leapt out of my mouth. Something to improve on.

So anyway a little about the topic. Hormone Replacement Therapy are medications used in menopausal woman to alleviate symptoms associated with a decrease in estrogen level, such as hot flushes and vaginal dryness. The take home note is that these medications should only be used for a short period of time (3-5 years) and not more than that as it will increase the risk of breast cancer and cardiovascular complications.

I took this pic in the hosp..one of the drugs for HRT

I spent an insane amount of time preparing the slides and going through the net to find interesting tit-bits that can be used to enhance my presentation. I think I am crazy nowadays because I loved presentation. Getting more and more of a attention whore.

This was one of my slides…

2 weeks spent in Drug Info was indeed very carefree and fun. It was nice and lucky being cloistered and comfy in the office while most of the pharmacists were constantly exposed to potential H1N1 carriers. Starting from tomorrow I will be going into the clean room to commence my two weeks stint doing Total Parenteral Nutrition (TPN). Heard it is a stint that will make you hate bubbles. Oh well, I will report about it later.

And now I would like to use this space to wish a very happy birthday to a dear friend of mine who is currently far away in Melbourne. We met in a badminton game and played a game of chess without knowing each other while in 2nd year of Uni. After that we became good friends and played basketball, badminton, eat out and even went to Adelaide and far-away excursions together. He is a good guy, thoughtful and considerate (too bad already not available) and I wish him all the best in his endeavours. He will be a top-notch pharmacist in the future. Happy Birthday WP. Hope you had a great day there! =)

August

The sun glances down and embraces us in a glow of brilliant red nowadays, shrouded occasionally by thick fogs of pungent oppressive smog. The heat is overbearing, the rain scarce. The haze is back.

Masked personnel hustled around the wards, speaking in muffled tones and with bleary eyes. Deaths are aplenty, Tamiflu prescribed in bulk. H1N1 clamoured for attention, spiralling out of control.

Kuching doesn’t seem to be a good place to live for the time being. But life goes on.

Busy is the tone of the month, with the pursuit of obscure information the mainstay of my job. Drug Info Services at your service, for every clueless caller I proffer my genuine help. Internet, books, leaflets I pore over, in search of  solutions to their woes.

12 August on stage I will stand, a discourse on HRT I will present. Preparations had been long and winded, good luck now I hope. Research on diabetes now lead-footed in progress, more oil needs to be added to it.

It will yet be another hectic week ahead. And I will be on lunch duty =(.

End of Month report

Just realised I only published a single post this month. This can’t be happening! I didn’t realise that I was that busy.

Anyway, I had just finished my first two-weeks rotation in the In-patient Pharmacy Department (IPD) today. It is the main pharmacy in the hospital dealing with the bulk of patients staying in the hospital.

It was a busy station, and the job criteria includes filling up the ward stocks, checking prescriptions and filling drugs for inpatients, counsel discharged patients, answering queries from doctors as well as querying them about their mistakes.

I was also on lunch duty this week, which means that I can’t have lunch during lunch time. Instead I was at the pharmacy dealing with the discharge patients and handling queries from hard-working doctors working during that time.

The most interesting thing that happened the last fortnight was that I bought a new laptop.

 

And its pink.

Now I’m officially a trend-setter. Pink is really the new black. Just wait for it to happen and see the “I tell you so” smirk on my face in the not too distance future.

In the meantime, I will just live with all the deriding laughter.

Oh I also successfully made some cream puff pastry.

And not to mention that I watched a movie in Malaysia for the first time in 3 years. Can’t even remember what movie was the last I watched at Star Cineplex prior to Harry Potter last weekend. But the cinema still looks the same.

My first CPD presentation is in 12 days time. Can’t wait for that day. Very excited. It’s about Hormone Replacement Therapy.

By the way, I typed this using my new laptop.

Mid July

In the blink of an eye and it’s mid July. That means I had been working for 3 months. Ouch that’s fast. It feels fast too. At this rate I think I can stay in government forever and it will feel just like a couple of years. Not that it is a bad thing to consider. Easy job relatively good pay.

One of the pharmacists calculated for me that I was being paid like RM25 per hour. Not bad considered that I spent half the morning and whole afternoon playing Sudoku at work today. Not that I wanted to do that, but there’s nothing else to do. And everyone is playing Sudoku.

By the way, I am now at the analysis lab at Pending for the week, which is quite a distance away from the hospital (more than 10km). Basically what they do here is just to wait for someone to send some non-registered drug samples in. No samples equal to no work equals to Sudoku.

In the event that there’s some drugs to be analysed, like today, the pharmacy assistants will prepare the samples and then run some tests on it using some used-to-be high tech machines. Yeah its the GC-MS and HPLC machines that we oft deride in MedChem lectures as being useless stuffs that we will not encounter in our work.

How untrue it was! So here I am this week, trying to figure out what the heck does those initials stand for and how in heaven do there measure stuffs and how to read the graphs that the printer cough out. Luckily there’s no need for me to learn how to deal with them, I just need to know such things and such career path exists. Apparently the pharmacy assistants went for a 3-months long course just to learn how to utilise those machines.

So it will be like a honeymoon week this week. Next week I will be back to the hospital, working in the in-patient pharmacy. At least playing Sudoku is getting my brain working again, after spending the past month doing minimal brain utilising work.

A restaurant trip

Seems it was a long time since I put some photo in my blog. So here goes: a blog post with lots of photos.

A couple of months ago, I won 3rd prize in a slogan-writing contest and made it to the local daily.

The prize was a voucher for a complimentary dinner-for-ten;

at this high-class looking restaurant of a high-class looking hotel.

We were given a private room,

that had a huge table, so huge that it creaked and groaned whenever you put your arms on it.

Even the chairs were huge, as demonstrated by my sister.

It was a nine course dinner. The servings were large, as seen in the Cold Appetizer below:

Pan-fried beef with celery, sweet and sour prawns and tofu.

Mixed vegetables, honeydew chicken, mango fish.

The food was not bad. They came in quick succession, one after the after. Too quick, in fact. As if there’s no one else in the restaurant to serve.

Which turned out to be the case.

No other single soul was in the restaurant the entire night except us and the four waitresses serving us.

Didn’t realised that they were giving us the VVIP treatment. I thought only the filthy rich can reserve the whole restaurant. I can’t help imagining the cooks being there just to cook for us.

Now that’s exactly how you should treat a contest winner.

Okay enough of the photos. If you are interested in some of my pharmacy adventures, read the post below.

Enforcement pharmacy

I had been spending the past two days in the enforcement pharmacy. It was one of the departments where there is a possibility for me to be sent to serve my three years compulsory service. As I detest paper-works and enforcement is full of them, I decided to act dumb so that I won’t make a good impression and the boss won’t pick me to join the team next year.

Enforcement was also a two-weeks placement. I followed the enforcement officers to the port where we go through the custom declaration forms of pharmaceutical shipments. If we see something suspicious, I need to call the forwarding agent up and demand for an itemized invoice or do a physical check on the shipment.

Today I went to court to hear them mention cases. They were trying to prosecute someone who had sold some unregistered meds. Apparently pharmacists chosen to be enforcement officers can be the police, detective and lawyer 3-in-1. They can raid premises, investigate people and prosecute them if necessary. That’s the cool part of the work.

So anyway it was kind of fun and interesting to device ways of not looking too efficient. For example, instead of showing initiative, I loitered around until the officer found things for me to do. Usually it’s mundane stuffs (and actually their job). And when they did, I only did some of them, the excuse being “so the next pharmacist attached to the station after me got something to do’”. I also acted blur, constantly looked as if I forgot to do what they asked for. And asked dumb questions while looking innocent like “what do we go to court for?” Hopefully it works!

To summarised about compounding, it was actually quite a good placement. It’s like a big kitchen. In fact, the hospital is like a big restaurant: the patients being the customers, the doctors being the waiters and the pharmacists being the chefs. Played with the pre-packing machine, made lots of cream, eye drops, suspensions and syrups. Was trying constantly to improve my syringing skills. Now I think quite pro already. One thing compounding taught me was to appreciate how difficult it was to make some of the stuffs that we dispense to the patients. So next time should be more stingy and give less. ^^

Also went for a full day Continuous Professional Development (CPD) workshop last Saturday, They flew in a vastly experienced Total Parenteral Nutrition (TPN) pharmacist from KL to give a talk. It was very insightful and certainly gave me a brand new perspective on that area. There were also a talk on Oncology which was a very good revision of the stuffs I learnt while attached in the radiotherapy unit.

I guess that’s long enough for now. Probably will update again in a week time. Cheers.

On opposite sides 3

The muffed sound of the alarm clock rung incessantly under the thick pillow. A silent groan escaped her mouth. Her body was still stiff, remnants from yesterday’s hard work.

She rubbed her heavy eyes that had seen too little sleep. She swung her legs onto the floor, the cold morning blast hitting her as the blanket slipped from her body.

She lumbered into the kitchen, and opened the fridge, the orange glow within piercing through the darkness of the house. Her hands reached inside, searching for ingredients to be transformed into the family’s three meals.

For the next ninety minutes she busied in the kitchen washing, chopping, slicing, boiling and frying, while seizing every available snatches of free seconds in between to brush her teeth, change into the day’s cloths and comb her hair.

When she heard her husband’s footsteps echoing through the house, she knew it was soon time to go. She put all the newly cooked food into the cupboard before tiptoeing into the room next to hers. She gazed fondly at the sweet innocent face of her nine month old son, her fingers gently wiping away a tiny pool of saliva that had drooled down from his agape mouth.

“Lets go,” said her husband, who was leaning against the doorway studying mother and child. She cast a final lingering look at her soundly sleeping son before following her husband footsteps out of the house.

He pushed the motorcycle around 20 meters from their compound because starting the engine. She climbed on behind him, hugging him tightly. It was the only time of the day they can afford to have physically contact this close.

The first cock had only started to crow when they reached the end of the bumpy un-tarred road. She alighted and joined the short line of people standing next to a stick stuck into the muddy yellow ground. She heaved a sign of relief when around ten minutes later, a van spewing thick clouds of exhaust duly rumbled to a stop in front of them. Yesterday they had to wait for twenty minutes. They all squeezed in; men, women, young, old, fat, skinny. She closed her eyes. It will be another two hours before she reach her workplace.

While she was catching forty winks in the van, her young boss was sipping coffee and eating toast that his mother had just prepared for him. He had a piece of report in his hand which caused a frown to creep onto his face. “This Sally again!” he muttered. She had been late for the past three days and missed the last two weekends’ meeting. He had a good mind to admonish her later in the morning. Such unprofessional attitude. What a tardy and lazy good for nothing woman.

“Pa, I am ready to go!” he hollered. It was already 7.30a.m. His father started the car as he climbed in. He was driven to the office, where he promptly put both legs on the table and waited for Sally to arrive. He can never comprehend why she was always late. It only took him one hour from waking up to reaching the office. Surely she can just wake up earlier if she needed more time for make-ups!

Pharmacy Updates Again

Something is wrong with this world. Yesterday five of us took a short walk (around 200m) under the sun for lunch. Four gals and me. And I’m the only one bringing an umbrella. Doesn’t they know about sunlight and skin cancer??

Anyway been busy the past two weeks studying for my pharmacy law exam. The exam was like a blind date, coz I have no idea how it is structured and how difficult it is. Turned out the examiners didn’t know also. We assumed it was open book till they told us 1 hour before the exam it will be a closed book. It wasn’t until we read the exam paper cover then we discovered it is open book after all. So fun..

Now I am placed at the compounding pharmacy. Did a few eye-drops using aseptic technique on Monday and mixed up some Chloral Hydrate this morning. Tasted a few drops of my product coz I wanted to know how it taste like. Maybe that’s why I became so sleepy for the whole day?

Satellite Pharmacy was fun. There’s always a lot of things to eat there, which is nice. The workload was just ideal, so was the room temperature. But didn’t see much patients, mostly dispense to the wards. Did three bedside counselling on how to use an insulin pen. Very funny coz the senior pharmacist I was following around actually marked out the injection spots on the patient’s stomach itself.

Hmm.. I haven’t cooked up a story to write after my experience in Satellite Pharmacy. Maybe I will get some inspiration soon. But still busy these few days as we are finalising a research proposal. Malaysia very advanced. Even intern pharmacists need to do real research with real patients.

Okie I should get busy.. so long then.

The attractive theory

A lady named Abby Wong wrote a beautiful article in The Star that had became the talk of the paper. The piece first appeared on 24th May and till today, someone was still commenting on it.

What  was it about? Well… drum roll…. she seems to think that guys reading in public are attractive. Wow. Why didn’t she write it earlier? Damn, with that insight  I would have read all my novels in shopping centres and bus stops instead of while curling in my bed. Oh, now I can’t bear to count the number of lost opportunities…

Being educated in the scientific method, I decided to put the theory into practice. From that week,  I strolled across the corridors of the hospital appearing to be deeply absorbed in the pieces of paper I was carrying.  When I had free time in the pharmacy,I read a book.

Alas, I can’t spy any adoring glances, nor hear any hushed whispers saying “he is so attractive!”. The only comment was “Wow you are so hardworking.”

So much for Abby Wong’s theory. She had gotten it so wrong.

Let’s try my theory: Girls find boys who cooks attractive. They will positively drool dreaming about waking up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee tantalizing their nostrils and the melodious sound of luscious vegetables being chopped into bite sizes ringing in their ears. They fantasizes going home after a tired day of work to find piping hot spaghetti ala carbonara waiting for them on the table.

The next thing to do is to prove it. So last week I baked a cheesecake to work and share it around.

After getting my word that it was really me who created such delicious fare, here came the questions:

Question 1: Are you still single?

Question 2: What’s your criteria of a girlfriend?

Question 3: Are you willing to consider a girl a few years older than you?

Question 4: Maybe I should introduce my cousin to you.

I swear its true.

It was hence proven that guys that can cook is a much more attractive commodity. But then there’s a problem, we can’t just push a stove into any public place and proceed to cook our breakfast on the spot, can we?

Disclaimer: This is not, I stress, REALLY NOT a piece of self advertising.

Reflections

On Friday I ended my tour of duty in the radiotherapy unit pharmacy, which is just a nicer name for a pharmacy dealing with chemo drugs and dispensing to cancer patients.

It was not a fun place to work, considering the fact that all the patients I saw had an uncertain future in front of them.

I had seen concerned son and daughters standing outside the chemo room for hours, peering through the glass door as their aged parents underwent chemo infusion inside. I had dispensed cancer drugs to mothers who had their young children in tow, and heard crying relatives. It was not a pleasant experience but nevertheless, an enriching experience.

As a pharmacist, I believed that we should sometimes try to think from the side of the patients. What do they expect from us? How do they perceive us? How should we show empathy, to show that we care even though the time we spend with them is limited by how busy we are?

During my stint in the out-patient pharmacy, I wrote a short story from my perceived viewpoint of the patient, which I titled “On opposite sides”.

Now that I had finished my radiotherapy unit, I came out with another short story written from similar viewpoints. Just scroll down to read it.

From tomorrow onwards, I will be posted to the Satellite Pharmacy. Hopefully it will be another good learning experience.

On opposite sides 2

“This is for your cancer.”

The pharmacist in his crisp white-coat didn’t mince his words. He didn’t try to sugar-coat it, or attempted to soften the blow. Like a newly sharpened knife, the stark reminder was stabbed straight into my heart. “Yes girl, you really have cancer.”

Cancer. Ten years ago, it was the poster of African kids with bald heads. Okay maybe that was AIDS. Five years ago, it was the horoscope sign of my supposedly best matched beau. Ten months ago, it was the fiction I watched on my favourite medical soap Grey’s Anatomy. Five months ago, it was a hard lump on my left breast.

With robotic efficiency, the pharmacist delved into a monologue on how to take the medicines. I caught snatches of “once a day”, “not with milk”, “only when necessary” while the others flew pass me in tiny wisps, or perhaps repelled by the piece of glass window separating us.

I felt like a high priest sitting in a confessional window, with him the sinner in the process of divulging his crime. How ironic that mental image, as it was I who was now serving a sentence with a span of unclear duration nor destination. How had I sinned?

For me, cancer felt like a prison sentence where death is a lottery not a verdict; baldness is the forced crown not a crew cut; poisons slowly infused into you body the sadistic punishment not stokes of the rotan. It was sometimes too painful to think about it. I had wallowed in enough self pity to let the tears come streaming down again.

“Do you have any questions, miss?”

He peered at me across the window. Was that a condescending look? A silent rebuke for catching me zoning out?

“Yes. Er no. Thank you very much.”

Quickly I reached for the bag full of medicines he had pushed to my side of the window. In my haste the bag slipped from my numb fingers and fell to the floor with a plonk.

A few concerned people rose halfway in their seat, “It’s okay,” I mumbled. I went down on my knees, reaching for the assortment of bottles and packets scattered around like a shattered piggy bank. I brushed aside the tails of my bandanna that has became slightly dislodged and trailed across my eyes. I looked up to the window, half expecting him to tower above me, cold mirth in his eyes. The window was blank.

“Come, let me help you.” He was squatting right besides me, picking up the packets of medicines, peering into each packets of white round tablets to check for damages. For the first time, he looked human, a slight softening at the edge of his eyes, a discernable line on his forehead. Like a hypnotizing pendulum, the name tag he wore around his neck swung to and fro, suspended by a thread of silver beads, drawing me to it.

“Walter Ong” it read. The name had a familiar ring. Walter Ong... Walter Ong… suddenly the memories came flooding back. There he was, a young kid who once plucked off a stem of Aloe Vera and dabbled the soothing juice to my skinned knee. Surely it was the same Walter, the kid from the next class with the double eyelid and sweet dimples. The silent kid who once gave me a rubble band to play with when I was banished to stand outside the classroom as punishment. The kind kid who helped to carry my lunch box when I was inundated with too many books.

I looked at him, searching vainly, futilely for the slightest sign of recognition from his impassive face. There were none. Like the doctor I was seeing, he had learned to mask stark knowledge well. Or had he really forgotten about me?

“Here you go. Remember to take the pyridoxine tablets as I had told you. 5 tablets in the morning. Then your fingers will be better, okay?” he handed me the reassembled packet. I nodded in a daze, gazing into his eyes. He averted them. I stared at the back of his white coat billowing in the soft zephyr as he walked swiftly back into the door he came from, his footsteps growing fainter and fainter.

I rose and walked towards the exit. Just before I exited into the sun lit path, I can’t resist stealing a final glance. He was back in the window, and he was looking at me. Was that a sad wistful look? Perhaps he did remember. Perhaps he didn’t want his memory of me to be scarred by the bald bag of bones which I am now. Perhaps he wanted to spare me the awkwardness of meeting here. Indeed the oncology clinic was the worst place to meet and reconnect with old friends, especially when you are on different sides.