Thursday, February 28, 2008

Mirror of my life

I have been sitting in front of my laptop with the blogger home page staring back at me for 3 straight nights and yet nothing came out of my mind.

There's a desire to write something and yet I don't know what to write or where to start.

My mind is in a constant whirl, my life a flurry of activities. I have so many plans, yet in the mumble jumble hocus pocus mess that is my brain, I still have not figured out what I want in life.

I always admired those who have a crystal ball in their head, where they can gaze in and see how their life will turn out in unfazed clarity, and then taking the necessary steps to achieve what they want. Me? I lived in a fantasy world, shrouded by the false pretension that my road in life is already paved in front of me and somewhere deep within me, an inner voice will know what to do when it is time to roll the dice, and somehow, a six will be thrown.

What is my passion? What is my purpose in life? What do I want to achieve? I have no clear cut, definite answers. Right now it is only a mist covered track in front of me, with me stumbling along with blindfold on, hoping with some dumb luck that there is actually a road paved with gold in front of me instead of some rock jaggled cliffs.

I constantly strived to look into myself, searching, looking, figuring out what I really want. What makes me do what I did? What are my life values? What are the priorities in my life? The more I look within, the more confused I became. There are just so many contradiction, so many tangled wires, a split personality even.

I gave up.

Who knows, serendipity may be the key to success in life.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

It's all starting all over again...

Tomorrow, it's back to Uni and lectures again.

And it would be the start of the significant journey.

It will be the very last year to spill out all the residual 'childhood' innocence and party the heart out.

It wil be the last year to test my skills in the practice arena before performing in the real world next year.

It will be the last year to make and connect with frineds in Uni - who knows where I or them will be one year from now.

Tomorrow will be the start of an exciting journey.

Can't wait for tomorrow.

Friday, February 15, 2008


It is sometimes difficult to know how much you had grown until you see a mirror image of yourself.

It was a quiet and awkward moment. The students are looking shyly around, checking each other up with downcast eyes or burrowing themselves in the various publications scattered around the Uni's foyer. No one made the first move or a bravado effort to speak to each other. The whole place felt like a cold disinfected library.

At that moment, I can really see myself transported back to February 2005, when I first stepped into the Uni. I as quiet and shy, always wanting to say Hello but just cannot move my jaw. I can felt the words at the tip of my tongue but they just stubbornly wouldn't go out. It was nearly two years later before I am quite satisfied with the amount of friends I have in Uni.

Just there and then, I decided to make sure they would not encounter the same problem as I did. I approached them one by one, making small conversations and introduced them to each other. I attacked everyone in the room. Hey how are you? What's your name? Where are you from? Had you met?... At the end of my efforts, the room was abuzz. They are talking to each other, forming small cliques, exchanging phone numbers.

I looked at them across the room, just like sitting in front of the PC watching the animated figurines in SimCity, satisfied with what I had done. That's when I suddenly tasted that ever exclusive slice of happiness. The tingling, emotional sensation you only felt when you achieve something special. The sudden realisation that you had grown up so much since your first day at uni. The moment you are aware that "oh, I just did that." Oh, it was so, so sweet.


Looking back at my exploits yesterday, I am still pinching myself to believe what had happened. I had managed to speak to each and every one of the 36 new International students. I managed to convince and cajole them to join optional orientation activities. I even got to go on stage and share my experiences to these groups of students and have them laughing at my jokes like a seasoned pro.

Damn, if you told me in February 2005 that I can do that three years later, I would never believe you. I would had told you "dream on".

I was so happy that I felt that I got to tell you all this, eventhough you may think I'm arrogant and cocky and proud and whatever. Who cares.

I had just lived my dream.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Happy Chinese New Year

I would like to wish all my friends Happy Chinese New Year. May the year of the Rat brings you wealth and prosperity and make all your wishes come true.

This year I would not be going back to celebrate Chinese New Year in Malaysia - the very first time in my life that I'm celebrating in overseas. There's pretty much nothing going on over here in Melbourne.

Been neglecting the blog for quite a while partly because I had been busy with so many things and partly because I still don't have an Internet connection.

Currently very excited coz will be venturing into something totally new. This will be a very big year.

Will update with what I had done the past month when the connection resumes normality.

Meanwhile, enjoy your angpaus and family reunion. =)