Saturday, August 11, 2007

I only trust myself

Yeah.. the problem is I know I know too much.

I have a problem.

This problem had been there for ages. I acknowledged the problem but there never seems to be a solution.

The problem is I do not trust other people.

Trusting is difficult. Because by trusting others, you are making yourself vulnerable.

Perhaps this stem from the fact that I never believe others can do a better job than what I did in anything.

Since younger days, I always had been the dominant one in doing group projects. I don't care doing most of the job because I wanted the thing to go my way. Because I always believe my way is the way. I always believe in my way. And all the good results in the group projects seems to justify my stand. And if I can do it my way, I prefer not to have group projects at all.

Actually, I don't like group projects, mildly speaking. Perhaps this is a trait of being a perfectionist. I can't stand sloppy work. And if you work with others.. However, the main reason I can't work in a team because in a team, I need to trust others.

I knew deep inside, no single individual can beat a good, dynamic team. Having good teamwork skills is vital to be successful in life. No man's a single island. In these few years, I tried to improve my teamworking skills. In teams I joined, I tried to let others do the job instead of having a control in everything. I tried not to get involve in jobs that are not my responsibility because I trust other team member can do it. I tried not to go for all the top positions because I am sure there's always someone better to do the job. I know deep down if I become a leader, I will be a dictator. There's no other way I will do it. I tried. I tried. I really tried. I hoped I can grow to trust others. But it is not to be. I always need to control things. I always need to say what should be done. I still can't find someone who can form a perfect team with me. Someone whom I can trust 100% in a job. Now I began to think, perhaps the problem is with me..

I always consider myself to be a student on leadership. I am always interested on how to be a good leader and what are the characteristics of a good leader. I had been to numerous leadership camps and read tons of books on leadership. Now I think that my focus is wrong. Starting from today, I think I will start to look into how to be part of a team.

Perhaps if I can learn how to be part of a team, I can start to trust others.


youngyew said...

As the old chinese saying goes: 用人不疑,疑人不用. :) While this is a generalisation and may not be apply in every case, I would say that it's a pretty good guideline to go by.

abangikhwan said...

hey phiaw

There are two types of people in this world: 1) leader 2) follower

You have to be a good follower, before you can become a great leader.