Headmaster: "Remember har cikgu-cikgu yang saya sayangi sekalian, you must set simple questions for the school based assessments so that all our students can do well in it. I couldn’t stand Puan Aminah from the school across the street bragging how her students always get 90% for tests during our teh tarik break…"
7.20 a.m. Biology Class
“Good morning class. Today we will have this assessment to test your knowledge on Biology today. Everyone, put your notes in your bag. We start exam now.”
15 mins later, teacher discover all the blank papers and remember headmaster’s pep talk.
“Okay murid-murid sekalian, cikgu kesian you all. Now I give you all 10 mins to look into your books for answers. 10 minutes only, okay? Don’t tell anyone, okay?”
8.20 a.m. PE lesson.
Cikgu Rosli (老色狸): “Today we have this 2km run test. You all run the track 5 rounds.”
Sweet girl: “Cikgu! cikgu! I have asthma, I couldn’t run…" Angelic smile.
“Okay-okay, I give you pass. In the meantime you go rest under the tree…"
Fat guy: “Cikgu! cikgu! I got asthma too…”
“Don’t lie la! Shut up and run 10 rounds or I fail you!"
9.30 a.m. Break time
Ahmad: “Cikgu! cikgu! Can I help you carry your bag?”
Ah Kau: “Cikgu! Cikgu! Come I buy you kuih for morning tea!”
Samy: “Cikgu! I think your shoe needs polish. I help you do it okay…”
10.00 a.m. English Class
“Hi class. Today is essay day. But I lazy mark all your essays. Just take this sample essay and copy. Who got the nicest handwriting will get the highest mark. And be quiet ya. Cikgu will be back in 30 minutes."
11.00 a.m. Psychometric test
“Now we are having a test to gauge your personality. You know lah, every people is different. But if you want to score high-high in this test, must answer all the good-good trait har, don’t simply tell the truth…”
"For example, question 1: what will you do if you see a perempuan tua want to cross road? dont' answer you pretend no see even if you really pretend no see in real life. Answer you help her cross road har. Common sense!"
2.00 p.m. Co-curriculum
“Thank you for attending the English Club meeting. Today we will be nominating for the executive posts. We have the following posts vacant: 2 presidents, 4 vice presidents, 8 secretary, 16 treasurer….”
3.00 p.m. School admin
Ring! Ring! “Hello, this is SM Baru. How can I help you?”
Parent: “Hey how come the test in this school so difficult one? My neighbour’s son studying in SM Senang have such easy test leh. Even my other son in kindergarten can do it easily. You want my Ah Boy to fail izzit? %$#@*! Not fair!”
The idea of no UPSR and PMR: A fairer system to gauge students’ knowledge =)