I guess I'm not much of an action man.
I am a voracious reader. I read a lot. I adhere and revere the maxim "Knowledge is power".
I have an interest for motivation books.
I just finished reading the Dale Carnegie's classic "How to win friends and influence people."
I had already read Stephen Covey's "The seven habit of highly effective people."
Likewise Robert Kiyosaki's "Rich dad poor dad."
Or Chris Howard's "Turning Passion into Profits".
And countless not-no-popular books harping on the relatively similar themes of effective public speaking, how to make money, how to make friends, how to be confident etc...
Hell, I even brought "The secret" and read "The game".
Anyway, you got the drift.
After turning the last page of Dale Carnegie's book a couple of hours ago, I suddenly felt very empty. It's like this sudden drop in endorphin level that left you mired in mild depression. I was wondering why then, had I not transformed into the person I want myself to be, even though I had these supposedly wealth of knowledge?
Then a light bulb moment. I realised that I'm not proactive enough.
I am a predominantly reactive person. I don't like to make decisions. I don't like choices. I prefer people to organise activities rather then I do it. Usually I only speak to someone if they initiate the conversation first. I let people add me on Facebook or Friendster rather then me adding them. Once I even wistfully hope that some girl will come chasing after me rather then the other way round. Sounds like a nice dinner joke now.
Thinking back, I guess I just don't like being responsible for the decisions I do. Or perhaps there is this inherent fear of rejection that is hard to unlearn. Or an ingrown what-ever attitude. Or a lack of confidence. Anyway, I guess I need a certain period of time to reflect on where it all goes wrong and rewire the circuit in me.
Someone once told me no so long ago that "Power is actually on the action you take based on the knowledge you have." I was skeptical at first. But now I guess I am converted.
Looking back, I started writing this blog "to chronicle my evolution to be a better person" (on my 2nd ever post in 2005). I guess I gonna keep my word and start being more proactive from today.
P/s: geez reading my previous posts make me suddenly realise that my English is tumbling downhill. Better brush it up too...