Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Soccer fever

It's never cheap when you are so unfortunate to fall sick while overseas. At home, there's mum and dad to foot your medical bill, but overseas it's a different story.

Wondering why I haven't been blogging the last few days? Yeah I fell sick.

I went to the doc and after examining me for 10 measly minutes he came out with this diagnosis: Soccer fever: a rare seasonal malady that is highly contagious but not deadly. Usually happen in a four-year cycle and last for one month each time it strikes. Males are more prone to the disease compared to females, which the ratio being 10:1, hence the suspicion of it being a Y chromosome linked disease. If not treated, can lead to depression and lifelong regret for missing one in a lifetime moments.

With the prescription from the doc, I went to the pharmacist across the road for the medication. And here's what the pharmacist gave me which subsequently burnt a big hole in my pocket:

HOW TO TREAT SOCCER FEVER:
1) Switch on the television and watch the soccer match shown at least once a day until all the symptoms ceased. This may take a whole month.


2) Smith chips: $1.60 per packet x 20 packets. Take one packet per day in conjuction with treatment number 1. Poor adherance may cause bloodied finger-nails due to subcoucious nail-biting during bouts of attack.


3) Nike Total90 soccer boots $30. Take once to prevent any injuries caused by spontaneous urge to kick football in a water sodden slippery pitch. The urge is a side-effect of treatment 1.


4) Nike soccer ball $10. Keep it near you when watching a soccer match. It can be used to let out any steam caused by the impotencies of those actually kicking the ball on TV. Warning: excessive usage may cause broken furniture.


5) Disease identification tag $2.50. This is to prevent from being beaten up by people who are scared to contact the disease. All disease sufferers wear this tag to identify each other and those not interested to share the pain caused by the disease will be wise to stay away when they see this tag.

I had been diagnosed with this disease two weeks ago, so it means that I will only be well again in two more weeks. Hence don't expect to see me on the streets during the next fortnight (due to the sickness and the $70++ hole in my pocket) and yeah please wish me have a speedy recovery!

5 comments:

Casper said...

i'll tell you how to best treat this disease... remove the source of the disease, which is tv shows related to this disease and it will miraculously cure itself...

side effects of this treatment include fiery emotions due to unsatisfied wishes, and the feeling of wanting to beat peole up because of missed matches...

the best medicine to prescribe is to remove his television set from his vicinity... don't let him see it, or risk the disease showing up all over again...

youngyew said...

Eer, if there are more males than females, I thought it's X-linked? Because if it were purely Y-chromosome, we would have zero female patient. :P

Phiaw said...

Casper, cannot remove the television.. without the tv treatment, the fever will get worse and possibly lead to mental illness, depression, suicidal thought and death. Too bad la..the treatment I received is the universally accepted best decision for my condition..

YoungYew, yeah i think you correct there.. wah u r really cleverer than my gp wor... wanna sue him for info distortion liao..lol ^_^

Casper said...

aiya... pharmacists alrways gets bio wrong one... they are primarily chemists anyway...

klsz said...

really no comment arhh... aiiidii...


But no doubt that i don't get sick easily lah... laughter's the best medicine bah!!!! lol!!!!