Sunday, May 21, 2006

Of Mars and Venus

Men are really from Mars and women from Venus..


但是,一般最可怕的女生是知道男生的弱点,而从中下毒手的女生。女生第一武器是所谓的 Emotional Blackmail。这包过哭在内,目的是使男生们感到内疚惭愧,自暴自气。接下来的部分我会用英文来写,因为对象是一个不会读华语的女生。

A girl's greatest weapon: Emotional Blackmail

What is Emotional Blackmail? It is a statement or behavior, which uses your fear, guilt, obligation, or confusion to trap you into giving the abuser power over you. It sounds very criminal but actually most people use Emotional Blackmail on each other from time-to-time without realizing it (Sorry to say but it is usually committed by the female species). Likewise, a lot of people are also actually victims of Emotional Blackmail unknowingly. I first came across this term in a book by the world renowned ‘body language’ master Allan Pease.

Usually, a person uses emotional blackmail because he/she needs a favour. To ensure he/she gets the favour, he/she will try to manipulate the target by making him feel guilty. For example, consider this scenario:

A girl wants his boyfriend to buy her an expensive skirt.

Girl: Wow! Look! This skirt looks nice… I’m sure it will look good on me…

BF : (Looks at the price tag = $300, says what the **** to himself) Err… It looks real nice, but don’t you think the price is a little bit on the high end?

Girl: Aw…. but I really felt that it is made for me… (caressing the skirt for maximal effect)..and the colour is purple! You know I like purple very much…. (giving him the biggest smile and looking at him expectantly… )

BF: Look, dear, it is too expensive… why don’t we go to the Night Market to have a look? I’m sure they have nice skirts too.

Girl: (pouting) Obviously you like your money more than you love me. Jill’s boyfriend brought her a $450 blouse last week and he didn’t complain…

BF: (feeling guilty) But Jill’s boyfriend is the son of a business tycoon..

Girl: (angry look) I don’t care! The bottom line is that you don’t love me! I’m leaving you!

BF: (feeling fear of being dumped) Okay okay… I buy for you this time only…

Girl: (180 degree change from angry to pure bliss look) Oh, you are the sweetest guy on earth! I love you so much! Muaks!

Well, that’s only an example to illustrate how emotional blackmail works. Emotional blackmailers are usually people who are too pampered by their parents or boyfriends and are too used to get what they want. They are not accustomed to people not obeying their wishes or succumbing to their desires and will resort to emotional blackmail to achieve their intention. In a sense, they are not bad, but just too pampered, and will never realised that what they did is wrong. They always think that they are correct, which of course means that you will never succeed if you try to reason with them.

Anyway, in a nutshell, preying on people fallacies such as guilt and fear to achieve your means is WRONG. Emotional blackmail IS blackmail. Just something for you all to ponder this weekend...


brilliant_owl said...

男生不喜欢玩猜谜语?男生想法单纯直接?mm...这未免只是你个人意见. 从一个男生的角度来分析我并不完全认同.到了这种年龄(ie会为感情问题,男女关系而烦恼的年龄)的男生还有几个真的思想单纯?!

无论如何,我还是同意你提到的emotional blackmail问题.男生很多时候都必须摆出那绅士风度对女孩子,但有些(mm..或许是很多)女孩子确实很不会为男生着想,反而'误用'了男生对她们的好!(自己生活圈子里就有很多例子了!)


Wee Leen said...

Boon Phiaw & owl, you both have quite rational opinion. Encourageable!!!